if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
