The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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