so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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