my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
