If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my shit smells like andre
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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