So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
