im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
