im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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