so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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