My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
