So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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