We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
