I hate your face
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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