I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
