Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
