Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
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Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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