he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
