Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
