i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
