addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
