he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
