At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
