Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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