just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
