One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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