Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
