Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
