He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
