she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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