I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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