Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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