the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
