So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
