did you get engaged???
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
