So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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