your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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