Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
