i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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