Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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