We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
