White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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