I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
