I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
