that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
