I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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