after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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