Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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