We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
