Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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