i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
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Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i think i just lost a toe
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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