Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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