I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
