Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize