i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
