i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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