By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
