Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
