Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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