Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
