I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
