i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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